Your Beloved Needs You Now

Father, Your ways are not my own. I cannot comprehend them. I do not know the plans You have for my life, and for Cory and I together. Lord, I am so disappointed, my heart aches. I know that You are so much bigger than any thing, including modern medicine. Cory and I have faith that You can open my womb and allow pregnancy to happen. We don't understand why this hasn't happened, but we are choosing to trust You through our disappointment. Lord, I do not want to go through fertility treatments - but if this Your path for us, please make that clear. Father, if Your plan for us does not include children please take away our desire to have them. I will not be discouraged, or afraid. You are in control, and we know this. Help us to draw on Your strength to sustain us. Amen.

We received news that I am still not ovulating. My doctor was shocked to see this - and even more shocked by my very low progesterone level. This is the last month we will be trying Chlomid. If I do not ovulate this month my doctor is referring us to an infertility specialist. She said if this doesn't work for us this month there is nothing more she can do.

I feel like I am constantly praying... It's hard not to be discouraged, but God commands us not to. "Have I not commanded you? Do not be discouraged or afraid, for the Lord God is with you always."

Forgiveness of My Heart

  I

I just love this song! My soul begins to soar when I hear the first chords of it playing. How AMAZING our God is! One of my favorite phrases from this song is, "You see the depths of my heart and you love me the same". I find this pretty difficult to fathom. I know what goes on in my deepest heart. I know the thoughts and desires I have that would not please Christ. I am amazed by God's choice to love me, regardless!


Amazed - greatly surprised; astounded; suddenly filled with wonder

There is nothing I can do to deserve Heaven. There is nothing I can do to deserve to be a child of God. Nothing any of us can do. We are not perfect. The Bible tells us we all fall short of the Glory of God!

But... God had a plan. He sent his Son, Jesus Christ, to earth. Jesus took on flesh, was born of a womb. He was raised by a carpenter and his wife. He grew up, all the while knowing what his destiny was. He began his ministry and created a revolution everywhere he went between the "religious" leaders and the people. He healed, he pardoned, he forgave. He was beaten, mocked, scorned, ridiculed, spat upon, whipped, received a spear in his side, a crown of thorns on his brow, and spikes (not dainty nails we use to hang picture frames up in the home) driven through his hands and feet. He took on the weight of the entire world's sins... those who had loved him and accepted him, those who had rejected and mocked him, and those who hadn't met him. Everyone. Jesus died for every one. Even while dying he was asking for forgiveness for others, "Forgive them Father, they know not what they do."

Christ lived a perfect life. We are called to model ourselves after Christ. I am ashamed to sit here and think upon so many times where I harbored unforgiveness for someone; times where I intentionally was hurtful with my words and attitude; instances where I was not modeling Christ - who then was I modeling? Malachai 3:17-18, "“On the day when I act,” says the LORD Almighty, “they will be my treasured possession. I will spare them, just as a father has compassion and spares his son who serves him. And you will again see the distinction between the righteous and the wicked, between those who serve God and those who do not." If I am not modeling Christ, not living to please him - it makes me wicked!

But there is hope friends, I found it! Jesus said, "I have not come to call the righteous, but the sinners to repentance." (Luke 5:32)

Repent - to feel sorry, self-reproachful, or contrite for past conduct; regret or be conscience-stricken about a past action, attitude, etc.

"Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death." 2 Corinthians 7:10

1 Peter 2:24 “He himself bore our sins in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.”

Father, thank You for the cross. Thank you for your love, so much love that you condemned your Son to die for the forgiveness of my sins. Lord, please purge my heart and mind of things that are displeasing in Your sight. Help me to always be mindful, Jesus, of the suffering you bore at my expense. Help me to live a life that is holy, righteous, and pleasing to you.

"For it is written: ‘Be holy because I, the LORD your God, am holy.'" 1 Peter 1:16

I am striving to be holy, because my God is holy, and He calls me to be. If I am holy, and modeling myself after Christ, then there won't be room for things in my heart that would bring shame to myself, or to God.