Food for Thought

We had a phenomenal class on Saturday. To be honest, it was the one I dreaded most - Discipline and Behavior. Here are some things that I walked away with:

God didn't call anyone to do anything that didn't cost them something (time, love, money, etc).

When these children come into our (the class, and Cory's and mine) homes it's not going to be easy. There are going to be times we think "Wow! Praise God, today was a great day!" but there will be other times where we think, "Really, God? You're sure? You called me to do this? I can't handle another second with these kids!" We found out that a lot - a LOT - of kids who have been abused and traumatized and become adopted return to the system. Their behaviors were more than the adoptive parents felt they could handle.

Now. Just... imagine that. You were removed from your family and put into foster care. Your family couldn't/didn't/wouldn't complete their case plan. They terminated their parental rights. Cut off. From the only real family you knew growing up. Now, you're being adopted, you're self-worth starts to rise... you might even begin to believe that people could love you again... and then bam! You find yourself being removed from that home and put back into foster care. What would you think? Most kids think it's all their fault.

Around 88% of persons incarcerated aged out of foster care - meaning they weren't reunited with their families and no one else chose to love them like Jesus. No one else would look past the behaviors, the attitudes to see the insecurities lying beneath.

Our words are seeds, they will take root and they will either ruin or blossom. Behaviors are just the fruit. If the fruits are undesirable you have to deal with the roots first. When new roots grow, the fruits will change, too. This wasn't completely new to me... however, I finally got it. The issues I've had to overcome with my self-worth, self-esteem, self-loathing - they all came from negative 'seeds' spoken to me, "You're too fat," "You're too skinny," "Why can't you be more like so and so?," "You're stupid!," those seeds took root. They expanded and bloomed. The 'fruit' was tainted. I still have a problem with those roots every once in awhile - like a weed popping up. I have to remind myself of how God sees me.

Is parental intervention adding stress or fear? If so, it's counterproductive. Why do we seek to control behaviors? Is it easy to listen to behaviors? It's not what they say, it's what you hear that matters most. People may scream at you that they hate you, but what they might really be feeling is fear. Things need to not be about the behavior, they need to be about the pain behind the behavior. This really was not new to us. When we were going through the years of depression following the loss of our first baby, I was hateful - and that is putting it mildly; I hurt so badly, but I didn't know how to express it in a healthy manner. Fortunately, thank you Jesus, I don't remember very much from those three years. I begged God to take those horrible memories away from me, I didn't want to be haunted by them - I didn't want Satan to just be able to casually slip them into my day. God is faithful and just. I remember only a few things from that time in our lives. But I remember enough to know that it truly is about the pain behind the behaviors of a traumatized person.

"We seek to express ourselves through attitude, feelings, and behaviors - when these are suppressed, we are left with either rage or depression." - Dr. Post

There are a lot of unknowns at this point in regards to God's plan for our lives. However, we still feel His hand guiding us towards adoption. We have one scheduled class left, and the Adoption Director has told us she'll make up the other classes we missed at our Home Study. Please, please pray for us. Satan loves to thwart those who are trying to walk with God - Cory and I are noticing we are bickering with each other the closer we get to having all of the classes done... just please continue to lift us up.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" - Jeremiah 29:11

A Gentle Whisper

We have an all-powerful God. When He desires our attention He gets it! Sometimes He does so in unexpected ways. Through 4am wake up calls on the weekend with a praise song going round and round in your head *wink*, to a friend calling out of the blue when you most need someone to talk to, to a gentle whisper.

11 The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?" - 1 Kings 19:11-13 (my italics)

Elijah had been running for his life, Queen Jezebel and King Ahab had put a contract out on Elijah's life. He wandered into the wilderness and the angel of the Lord fed him, protected him, and led him to Mt. Sinai. When Elijah heard the voice, he went out and talked to God. Elijah told the Lord his fears and worries. The quiet voice of God responded with comfort and a further assignment, getting Elijah back on track.

As humans we often can find ourselves wandering through an emotional, physical, psychological or spiritual wilderness. We feel alone and/or abandoned; we have doubt in ourselves and the things around us; a situation we're facing is daunting, and we are intimidated and fearful. Looking back, I see where the angel of the Lord ministered to me through some of the wildernesses I've had to face. It's encouraging to know that even when I felt abandoned, God was there. Always. For the LORD will not reject his people; he will never forsake his inheritance. - Psalm 94:14; "The poor and needy search for water, but there is none; their tongues are parched with thirst. But I the LORD will answer them; I, the God of Israel, will not forsake them. - Isaiah 41:16-18; I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them. - Isaiah 42:15-17

When you are weighed down by fear, doubt, stress, and worry you may need to sit quietly and simply ask God to breath on you. He will restore your tired soul, and encourage your heart with His gentle whisper.

Fill Me Up, Lord

"The first purpose of prayer is to know God." - Charles L. Allen

When I read that this evening, I thought, "Wow!" Truly. I mean, I know that we pray to learn God's will, and I imagine I even knew that a purpose of prayer was to really know Him... but it hit me tonight. Like a brick.

I've prayed for many things in my years - passing test grades; to make friends; for my family to stop having to move around; for my husband before I met him; for babies; for friends and family; healing - physical, emotional and psychological; for God's will to be clear; for so, sooo much. But, I can't seem to remember a time where I just prayed for God to reveal HIMSELF to me.

In all relationships, friendships or any other "-ships" where people are dealing with each other they get to know each other. Personal, intimate details are involved - sometimes a little too much. Likes and dislikes are discovered. God, being who He is, knows all of my personal, intimate details... I have been ashamed many times knowing what He knows that others don't. He knows my heart. My thoughts. He knows all of it. It's high time I got to know Him deeper, more intimately.

The priests could not continue their service because of the cloud, for the glorious presence of the Lord filled the Temple. - 1 Kings 8:34

I want that. To not be able to continue what I want because God's glorious presence fills me. I imagine it's a bit difficult to be filled with something and not intimately know said Something.

Fill my cup, Lord,
I lift it up, Lord!
Come and quench this thirsting of my soul;
Bread of Heaven,
Feed me till I want not more
Fill my cup, Lord,
Fill it up and make me whole!