Dear Child, Slow Down! Love, Dad

Sunday morning I woke up, sat up, and had a stabbing pain in my "abdomen" - lower, right quadrant. I got up, and we went about our normal Sunday routine. We ate breakfast and left for Sunday School. All throughout the stabbing pain lasted. We walked upstairs for church. Throughout worship, the message, and getting ready to leave the pain lasted. We came home from church and started to get lunch ready, my father-in-law was coming over to eat with us. I couldn't find a comfortable position at this point, standing, sitting, leaning, curled up, it didn't matter.... but I am a stubborn woman. We ate with Dad, and spent a few hours just talking with him. As soon as he left I changed out of my nice church clothes into comfy clothes and Cory and I left for the ER. My pain at this point had me doubled over, and I was catching my breath at points.

Rewind: September 18, 2006, it's early afternoon and I am alone in our apartment in Broadway, VA. Same pain, I can't drive. I can hardly see through my tears. I called my husband and he rushed home from work and took me to the hospital. Long story short, the doctors think I had some ovarian cysts rupture... they also told us that we were pregnant. I don't remember much aside from that. The wonder of it all. That God would place a baby inside of me even when most of the doctors I'd been to told me it wouldn't be possible to get pregnant.

So... as we're getting me checked into the hospital here, I'm thinking... "DO NOT get excited! You're not pregnant this time. And that's okay. Remember? You don't need to have babies to have the full life that God has promised. Don't get excited. You know how depressed you get when you find it you're not."

I'm not pregnant. The doctors don't know exactly what caused my pain, they are assuming it was a ruptured cyst this time, too. They sent us home with some Vicodin for me, and a prescription for more of it and orders for "limited activity for 2 to 3 days." I am not a big believer in pain pills, I don't like them. I am not a fan of losing control over my mental capacities. I took the first one last night, and that was because the pain was bad enough. I got up this morning and made breakfast - Josh has been doing this... Let's just say I am having a hard time with this "limited activity" stuff. Cory told me this morning he was "revoking my ability to do anything today," because I hurt. I can't move my arm higher than my shoulder without pain.

Over the past couple of days, God has been telling me "Be still." I'm trying, Lord. "Are you really?" ... well, I like cooking for my family. The house needs to be cleaned. I need to go upstairs to tell Josh where to put stuff so he and Cory can finish that demolition work.... "Really?" *Exasperated sigh* No, I suppose I don't have to.

Why is it so hard? Doing what we're told? At least it is for me. If someone tells me "be still. sit down. relax." I feel guilty if I listen. My mind starts racing around to everything that needs to be done. And, it has to be done *right*now*.

Please pray for me. The pain doesn't want to go away. And it seems I am having a hard time being obedient to my body, and the doctor's orders, and my husband, and Jesus.

Lord, please help!