Until Only Love Remains

"Break away the ropes that bind,
and hold me to the earth.
The fire only leaves behind
whatever is of worth
I begin to see reality
for the first time in my life,
I know that I'm a shadow,
but I'm dancing in your light."

A great friend of mine, Monica, tuned me into JJ Heller's music. I haven't looked back. She is a great artist. Her my space page is on my toolbar on-line. One click takes me to her page and then one more click finds me happily lost in her music, worshiping with her. Monica also tuned me into Pandora Radio (at www.pandora.com). I very much enjoy that. I have a radio station for oldies music, one for country, and one for Worship. Music is a very integral part of my worship. I feel closer to God; I can't stand still. So many people (artists) wrote so many songs that bring me closer to my Father's Kingdom.

I particularly like "Only Love Remains" for many reasons. One is that Jesus calls us to Love. Everyone. Even those who we find it really, really difficult to love. It's difficult to *think* about loving someone if I am thinking hateful, mean, spiteful thoughts about them.

It's hard for me to think about praying for our adopted child(ren)'s birth parents. No, don't race ahead of me, we haven't adopted yet... we're still in the process. But, I want to pray for the child(ren) we will be adopting. I want to pray for their families... well, scratch that. I don't want to pray for the families. If I'm going to be really honest, I'd like to pray that they are wiped off the face of the earth for the neglect/abuse they have handed to our - I mean, God's - child(ren). However, I know I should. The Word tells us to pray for those who persecute us, and although they aren't persecuting Cory and me personally - they are persecuting those waiting for us. God has, just today, laid it on my heart to begin praying for not just the child(ren), but the parents as well.

Another reason I really like that song is because God's love can do that. If we let it. If we let Him. He wants to mold us into who we are to be. He can't do that until we 'let go and let God'.

Also, the song speaks about the sin we might not be so willing to admit. I've "murdered" people in my heart, in the past... I struggle with it sometimes, still today. But God is willing and able to take that away. He can rip our ties to the world away. He is able. We have to be willing.

I'm not perfect. I'm human, I err. But, I am willing. I want all the ties binding me to the earth - selfish desires. stubbornness. murder in my heart. all the ties - burned. I want to be a shadow of my former self - the worldly self - and I want, so much, to dance in my Father's light. And I want to be able to meet Jesus and God at the heart of worship, knowing I am freed through Christ's sacrifice, and am no longer bound to this earth.

It is the prayer of my heart to learn to love as Christ does. I want to love extravagantly, excessively, beyond what people think they deserve.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
- 1 Peter 4:8

Dear Child, Slow Down! Love, Dad

Sunday morning I woke up, sat up, and had a stabbing pain in my "abdomen" - lower, right quadrant. I got up, and we went about our normal Sunday routine. We ate breakfast and left for Sunday School. All throughout the stabbing pain lasted. We walked upstairs for church. Throughout worship, the message, and getting ready to leave the pain lasted. We came home from church and started to get lunch ready, my father-in-law was coming over to eat with us. I couldn't find a comfortable position at this point, standing, sitting, leaning, curled up, it didn't matter.... but I am a stubborn woman. We ate with Dad, and spent a few hours just talking with him. As soon as he left I changed out of my nice church clothes into comfy clothes and Cory and I left for the ER. My pain at this point had me doubled over, and I was catching my breath at points.

Rewind: September 18, 2006, it's early afternoon and I am alone in our apartment in Broadway, VA. Same pain, I can't drive. I can hardly see through my tears. I called my husband and he rushed home from work and took me to the hospital. Long story short, the doctors think I had some ovarian cysts rupture... they also told us that we were pregnant. I don't remember much aside from that. The wonder of it all. That God would place a baby inside of me even when most of the doctors I'd been to told me it wouldn't be possible to get pregnant.

So... as we're getting me checked into the hospital here, I'm thinking... "DO NOT get excited! You're not pregnant this time. And that's okay. Remember? You don't need to have babies to have the full life that God has promised. Don't get excited. You know how depressed you get when you find it you're not."

I'm not pregnant. The doctors don't know exactly what caused my pain, they are assuming it was a ruptured cyst this time, too. They sent us home with some Vicodin for me, and a prescription for more of it and orders for "limited activity for 2 to 3 days." I am not a big believer in pain pills, I don't like them. I am not a fan of losing control over my mental capacities. I took the first one last night, and that was because the pain was bad enough. I got up this morning and made breakfast - Josh has been doing this... Let's just say I am having a hard time with this "limited activity" stuff. Cory told me this morning he was "revoking my ability to do anything today," because I hurt. I can't move my arm higher than my shoulder without pain.

Over the past couple of days, God has been telling me "Be still." I'm trying, Lord. "Are you really?" ... well, I like cooking for my family. The house needs to be cleaned. I need to go upstairs to tell Josh where to put stuff so he and Cory can finish that demolition work.... "Really?" *Exasperated sigh* No, I suppose I don't have to.

Why is it so hard? Doing what we're told? At least it is for me. If someone tells me "be still. sit down. relax." I feel guilty if I listen. My mind starts racing around to everything that needs to be done. And, it has to be done *right*now*.

Please pray for me. The pain doesn't want to go away. And it seems I am having a hard time being obedient to my body, and the doctor's orders, and my husband, and Jesus.

Lord, please help!

Sunday Morning "Gold"

Stay on the path that the Lord your God has commanded you to follow. Then you will live long and prosperous lives in the land you are about to enter and occupy. Deuteronomy 5:33

This morning, like quite a few weekend mornings lately, found me awakened around 4:30, with God beckoning....

What if the church for Heaven's sake
Finally stepped up to the plate
Took a stand upon God's promise
And stormed Hell's rusty gates?

What if His people prayed
and those who bare His name
would only seek His face
And turn from their own ways?
....

What if the life that we pursue
Came from a hunger for the truth?
What if the family turned to Jesus
Stopped asking Oprah what to do?

Casting Crown's "What if His People Prayed" lyrics above running through my head like a broken record - OK, Lord, I get it. I'm up. I'm coming. I really, really want to sleep. But I'm turning away from what I want.

I don't normally share my quiet time versus here... but today I will be sharing some. I've been reading through the Bible for the past couple of weeks, and I'm in Deuteronomy right now. Keep in mind, I love to read - my quiet time normally finds me holed up some place reading chapters at a time. Some days I don't make the time, but I'm trying to be very diligent about it - I mean, God *always* makes time for me, right? OK, so... I asked God this morning to help me find some "nuggets" (yes, I said nuggets ) to be able to hold onto.

nugget (noun)

1.	a lump of something, as of precious metal.

2.	a lump of native gold.

3.	anything of great value, significance, or the like: nuggets of wisdom.

After reading - correction: After trying, and failing (strictly due to my weak stomach) to read Leviticus, I was ready for a lump of gold, or precious metal - sure beats slaughtering animals and *gag* spattering their blood on things.

These are some of the nuggets I was provided with this morning. I really feel compelled to share them with you, and I am attributing that to be A God Thing, because I had no intentions of blogging today. :)

⁵ And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. ⁶ And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. ⁷ Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. ⁸ Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. ⁹ Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. Deuteronomy 6:5-9

For we will be counted as righteous when we obey all the commands the Lord our God has given us. Deuteronomy 6:25

He did it to teach you that people do not live by bread alone; rather, we live by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.... Think about it: Just as a parent disciplines a child, the Lord your God disciplines you for your own good. Deuteronomy 8:3b & 5

What an amazing, loving Father we have! I don't know about the rest of you, but I am intending to stay on the path He has set before me, to obey His commands, to teach our children (or simply the children in our lives) to love the Lord our God and follow His ways, I intend to rejoice when God disciplines me because He does it out of Love, and I intend to be counted as righteous for obeying the commands He has given me/us.